Do you have a relationship that needs mending? We got to thinking about this subject because there seems to be a lot of people experiencing broken or strained relationships. Over time, relationships can become stronger and more loving, but sometimes a crisis can threaten a relationship. Harsh words get said, maybe even some very hurtful things were done. Negative consequences can result.

Having a strained or negative relationship can be very discouraging. It’s hard to carry around disgruntled and angry feelings because they will drag you down. As Ty Howard said, “There comes a time when a relationship needs a ‘tune-up’ to repair and reset key areas within it, so it can once again feel healthy, loving, exciting, renewed, and promising.” Today we’ll offer five steps to give you a fresh start and help repair your relationship. If these steps seem impossible, ask God or your Higher Power for strength to complete them, because the rewards will be well worth it.

1. Apologize

Even though it’s hard to do, apologizing is often a necessary step to help soothe the hurt and anger. Regardless of who started it, or who said what, apologize as soon as possible. Apologize sincerely, without reservation and without expecting (or demanding) an apology in return. How the other person reacts is not your responsibility. You are to take responsibility for your part in what happened, even if you think you did nothing wrong. Seek understanding. A simple, ‘Sorry I hurt you. I’ll try not to do that again’ can be a helpful start.

2. Bury the Bad Past

A fresh start means putting the bad experiences of the past behind. This is also difficult to do. Even if you feel you’ve been wronged many times, try to walk away from bad feelings. Don’t take any sense of grievance or being wronged into the relationship. If the breach happened because of something you did or said, it’s up to you to leave the guilt behind, too. Once you’ve apologized it helps clear the air and clear negative emotions. A clean slate means the opportunity for a fresh start.

3. Develop trust

A key foundation of a good relationship is trust. A fresh start means letting yourself trust again. If trust has been repeatedly violated, it will be hard to trust. Try not to jump to negative judgment. The goal is to have enough trust in yourself to allow opportunities where the other people can show their ability to be trustworthy. It may take time to develop trust but it’s worth trying to build it again.

4. Get Perspective

One of the things that distinguishes a stable, long-term relationship is perspective. It’s human nature to get irritated, but you need to be able to let the little things go and focus on what’s really important. There will be good times and difficult times. Accept that people and relationships change over time and embrace the good things you see happening.

5. Act with Love

Years ago, the Beatles recorded a hit song, “All You Need Is Love”. When it comes right down to it, it’s almost that simple. Love really is all you need because if you have love, you won’t give up on a relationship. You only give up if the relationship is abusive to you, you have tried to make it better, and nothing changes. Growing up, we were taught the Golden Rule – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That principle never goes out of date. So, when someone is inconsiderate, instead of being inconsiderate in return, take a breath, and continue to be your loving, caring self.

Many times, people slip up or do something hurtful out of carelessness, not because they wanted you to suffer. Maybe they simply didn’t think. Be calm and tell the other person how you’re feeling, and maybe they will be surprised they hurt you. Act with love and don’t assume the worst.

What about you? An abusive relationship is never okay, and you’ll need strong boundaries to feel safe. But do you have a relationship that’s strained and could be better? We encourage you to use the steps we’ve listed here to have a fresh start with that relationship. Here’s a bonus tip that works for us. We have a great marriage, but if we happen to get “at odds” we often just say, ‘Let’s start over.’ We do, and it gives us a fresh start! When you can have healthy, right relationships, you will find even more peace and happiness.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@TheBalanceCenter.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2023 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.