When has fear kept you from an opportunity to grow?Maybe you have always been able to face your fears and accomplish all you’ve wanted to do. However, many people have avoided things that were opportunities for them.

I (Lynn) avoided taking the opportunity to go to France as an exchange student in high school. I thought it was because I wastoo wrapped up in my studies, activities and friends. Yes, that was true, but maybe I feared leaving home and my family. It seemed like an overwhelming challenge. Looking back, I turned down an opportunity to learn and grow.

Brian Tracy said, “The key to success is for you to make a habit throughout your life of doing the things you fear.” But when we’re faced with a new challenge, we often want to stay in our comfort zone, instead of taking a risk. Part of the brain, the amygdala, also called the lizard brain, is meant to protect us and keep us safe. Unfortunately, when we are presented with risks, the lizard brain isn’t able to tell the difference between a potential good deal or bad deal. The lizard brain just sends out fear signals to fight, flee or freeze. If we don’t fight or flee, fear can keep us frozen and stuck.

Let’s look at some roles we assume to avoid facing our fear.

Procrastinator.  We procrastinate by doing things that are not important and not urgent. This allows us to avoid the guilt of not doing what must be done to face the fear.   

Perfectionist. This behavior can keep us from moving forward because we want to do it perfectly and we fear making mistakes. Unfortunately, most opportunities have deadlines and it’s easy to miss the opportunity. Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.

Negative self-talker. It’s easy to talk ourselves out of taking a risk because we can say that we are too shy, too old, too young, too inexperienced, etc. Negative self-talkers can also talk themselves into being too tired or too ill. Yes, people do get sick at times but notice how it’s easy for children to “not feel good” so they can stay home on test day and yet feel well enough to want to go out and play. Adults can also use this technique to avoid a challenge. These ways of feeling that we are “not enough” are excuses that allow fear to be in control.

People pleaser. This is a very tricky way of avoiding fear because the time is spent in trying to please other people. It’s hard to do, especially when we can’t always know what they want and it doesn’t allow for our own wants and needs to be fulfilled. People pleasing avoids the fear of confronting situations where conflict might arise.

Analyzer. This technique involves staying wrapped up in researching and analyzing a risk to the point that a decision to go forward is unreasonably delayed or never made. Actually, no decision is a decision. We’ve all heard the phrase ‘analysis paralysis” which is a behavior used to avoid fear that results in being stuck. 

So, what are some ways to get unstuck, face fears to overcome challenges and get to the opportunities?  Here are three ways to face fear:

Awareness. One way is to gain awareness of how fear shows up. Also, determine which fears are worth confronting. By looking at the five behaviors we outlined above, it will be easy to see what plays out in our life. Then we can look deeper to see how we feel the behavior is protecting us from our fear. Once we realize that the behavior doesn’t really allow us to take control of our fear and move forward, it’s easier to want to face it.   

Acceptance. Accept that fear is a normal response to many situations. We can weigh the risks and benefits to see what fears we want to accept and confront. Robin Sharma said, “Being scared is part of being alive. Accept it. Walk through it.”

Action. Confront the fear with action. When a fear is re-experienced it can lessen the reaction to it and, unfortunately, when a fear is avoided the fear can grow. Start with small steps and get help and support when needed. As Jack Canfield said, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”

What about you? What fears do you want to face? We encourage you use the ideas we shared. As you confront your fear it will help you enjoy the opportunities waiting for you.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@TheBalanceCenter.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2020 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.