The holiday season is here in full force. Are you prepared for it? Christmas lights are up. Christmas concerts are happening. It’s a time of expectancy and happiness. Yet, for many people, the Christmas holidays bring up intense emotions ranging from sadness and grief over lost loved ones to stress, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness. Even happy celebrations with family can sometimes turn sour due to conflict or painful memories.

If the holidays trigger negative feeling situations or addiction issues, here are some strategies that may help you not just survive but thrive.

Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step is acknowledging what you feel instead of stuffing it down or pretending everything is fine when it’s not. The holidays often emphasize what is missing in our lives, whether it’s a deceased parent, a broken relationship, job issues, or health problems. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger or whatever emotions arise. Talk to a friend or join a support group. As Dr. Ruth Ziemba said, “Acknowledge your feelings – feel your feelings, but don’t let them become you.”

Set Realistic Expectations
The holidays often portray unrealistic ideals regarding relationships, family time and accomplishments. Comparing yourself to other people is a recipe for depression and anxiety. Dr. Steve Maraboli touched on this when he said, “Expectation feeds frustration. It is an unhealthy attachment to people, things, and outcomes we wish we could control, but don’t.” Focus on meaning rather than materialism. Say no to events that trigger sadness or unhealthy patterns. Give the gift of boundaries both to yourself and difficult family members.

Practice Self-Care
Make self-care a priority, not a luxury. Get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, exercise, pray, meditate, or do yoga, listen to uplifting music, take relaxing baths. Do positive things that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Say no to extra obligations that drain you. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would a good friend. Self-care helps modulate difficult emotions, so they aren’t overwhelming. Dr. Daisy Sutherland has some good advice when she says, “Make the time to go outside or simply take a break from the craziness that surrounds the holiday season.”

Find Healthy Distractions
If you feel a tidal wave of depression, anxiety or anger rising, use healthy distractions to take the intensity down a notch. Call a friend, take a walk with the dog, work on a hobby that absorbs your attention, watch a funny movie, or listen to an audiobook. Healthy distractions give your emotions a chance to settle rather than spiraling out of control. A peaceful place can be a healthy distraction from a too busy environment. Jenny Nimmo would agree. She says, “There’s nothing like the peace of the countryside, the quiet and lack of distraction. It helps you to focus your mind.”

Give Back to Others
It may be difficult to do, but if you can shift focus from your own problems to helping others in need, it can be a powerful way to lift your mood. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or animal rescue. Send cards to sick children or elderly folks who are isolated. Shovel snow for a disabled neighbor. Donate money or gifts to a charity. Spreading kindness, even during adversity, gives purpose and meaning.  Mark Twain offered some good advice when he said, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

Seek Professional Help
If despite your best efforts at self-care, the holidays still trigger emotions that seem overwhelming, too deep to handle alone, seek professional help. Many mental health professionals and trained faith leaders offer special appointments over the holidays for people feeling blue or triggered. Even a few sessions can help you process grief, set boundaries, or learn coping strategies. You don’t need to suffer alone.

What about you? What emotional triggers might you experience this holiday season?

The holiday season often magnifies our painful emotions and personal shortcomings. Be gentle with yourself by acknowledging your feelings, lowering demands of perfectionism, practicing self-care, and seeking support. With time, patience, and compassion, you can get through the holidays. Know that the holidays are a time-limited season.

We hope you can use these ways to find joy and happiness as you cope with emotional triggers during the holidays. It’s good to consider the words of Taylor Caldwell, “Don’t let the past steal your present. This is the message of Christmas. We are never alone.”

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@TheBalanceCenter.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2023 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.