Are you feeling satisfied with yourself and your life? We got to thinking about this because it’s so easy to compare yourself to someone else. We were looking through social media and noticed all the people baking beautiful breads. We felt bad because that was a goal of ours and the flour is still in the bags! We were caught in the comparison trap and it didn’t feel so good.

If you’re lacking contentment, it could also be because you’re comparing your life to the lives of others. You’ve been on social media and seen the pictures of others living their seemingly exciting lives. It could also be that you might have been comparing your life against the the lives of friends or neighbors. It only takes a moment to notice yourself wishing you had someone else’s career, body, house, or vacation.

Comparing ourselves to others is a common activity! But there’s a critical flaw in this mental exercise. We simply don’t have all the information. Someone might have a great body, but they might have some health problems. That great vacation might have been paid for with an inheritance when a family member passed away. Steve Furtick said, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

A better strategy is to compare yourself to your own recent past. How does your body look compared to 6 months ago? How is your financial state compared to last year? If you’re making progress, congratulate yourself. Most people aren’t doing nearly as well. But that isn’t what really matters. What really matters is how your life is going. Is your life moving forward in a positive direction? If not, take time to address the situation. Tony Robbins has these wise words, “The only person you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday.” Think about that statement and decide if it rings true for you.

Here are some tips to help free yourself from unnecessary comparisons:

1. Catch yourself early in the process. As soon as you realize that you’re making comparisons to others, actually say ‘Stop it’ to yourself. Then shift your focus to something positive. You can control your thoughts, so use that ability to your advantage.
2. Remember that the journey is what matters. Everyone is on a journey to learn, create, and become something unique. It’s an individual experience that isn’t impacted by what others are doing or accomplishing. Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”
3. Comparing yourself to others is a no-win game. There are lots of people in the world. You’ll always be able to find someone with a more attractive spouse, more money, a better car, or a more interesting life. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
4. Identify your strengths. Comparisons tend to focus on our weaknesses. We usually compare our shortcomings against other people’s accomplishments. Embrace your strengths and be proud. Then use those strengths to your advantage.
5. List the things you have. Comparisons highlight the things we lack. It’s much more productive to think about the things you do have and be grateful. Your mood and frame of mind will be more positive, and you’ll be in a better position to succeed.
6. People only let you see what they want you to see. Sure, they’ll let you see their new Porsche and the vacation pictures from Hawaii. They’ll never let you see the tears and family fights, or the verbal abuse they take from their boss just to keep their job. Keep in mind that social media primarily shows the good, rather than the bad.
7. Recognize that comparing is just a habit. Our lives are filled with habits, and some of them are harmful. Poor mental habits can hold you back. It’s like going through life with the emergency brake on. Labeling the tendency to compare as a habit has a powerful advantage because we know that bad habits can be changed and good habits developed.

What about you? Do you find that you compare yourself to others? Comparing yourself to others is limiting and self-defeating. Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s impossible to compare favorably to others at all times. So, to avoid getting caught in the comparison trap, remember to limit your comparisons to your own recent past. If you continue to enhance the areas that are important to you, your life is likely to bring you even more joy and fulfillment!

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@TheBalanceCenter.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2021 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.