Recently there’s been a lot of talk about pandemics and viruses and the state of our health. But what’s not being talked about much is an alarming, silent epidemic that’s also having huge effects on our health.  For this one, you won’t have to wear face masks or wash your hands a lot. What epidemic are we talking about? The following lines from a song will give you a big clue.

Are you lonesome tonight?
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?

Because many people have felt lonely, the song, Are You Lonesome Tonight?, has remained popular over the years. It was written by Roy Turk and Lou Handman in 1926. This song has been recorded by many people. Perhaps the most popular recording is by Elvis Presley in 1960. Presley’s recording went to the top of the charts and stayed there for 16 weeks. We also both remember our mothers singing and playing that song on the piano when we were young. Loneliness has evidently resonated with many people over time.

Yes, loneliness is the silent epidemic. According to Vivek Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General, loneliness is more than a public health issue – it has risen to the level of a public health crises. He went so far as to say that it is the ‘defining health challenge of our generation’. This year, Murthy appointed an Advisory Committee to study the issue. The committee reported that 1 in 2 Americans are experiencing loneliness.

When it’s extreme, loneliness has serious health risks. These risks include anxiety, depression and suicide, increased heart disease and premature death, as well as dementia. The increased risk of premature death related to loneliness is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day according to a study in the journal, PLOS Medicine. Health risks from loneliness are even greater than the health risks from obesity!

Here are some contributing factors to loneliness. Society has changed a lot in the last several decades. Now, we change jobs and move more often. Technology profoundly affects how we relate and interact with each other. Sometimes this can have a beneficial effect because it can bring about increased efficiency. On the other hand, in many situations, technology has caused harm in our relationships. Instead of interacting face to face, so much of our communication is by staring at our phone or computer screen.

In the past we had institutions, volunteer groups and religious organizations that brought people together. Unfortunately, over the last several decades, there’s been a declining participation in some of these organizations. This has contributed to an increased feeling of loneliness.

In addition, the division and polarization that people feel in real life is making it harder for people to dialogue with one another. This ties back to the rapid changes in society that we talked about earlier.

Previously in our history, people could process change by rationally talking about it with others. Now, however, people often feel afraid to openly talk with others. They fear using the wrong word and ‘offending’ someone. Also, if they dare express a different opinion, it could blow up into a major conflict. In addition, fear of ‘cancel culture’ discourages open dialogue. This contributes to feelings of isolation and loneliness – a real problem for family, friends, and society.

So, what can we do to lessen loneliness?

The Advisory Committee we referenced earlier had some suggestions as to what individuals can do to decrease the harmful effects of loneliness. They include investing time to nurture relationships through consistent engagement with others; seeking opportunities to serve and support others; being responsive, supportive, and practicing gratitude; seeking help during times of struggle; being open with your health care provider about significant social changes in your life and participating in social and community groups.

Renewing relationships and building community is at the heart of it. We agree with Murthy when he said, “It’s hard to hate people up close when you know them, when you have a relationship with them.” Renewing those relationships is not only important for our individual health, but also for the health of our society.

Here’s something that’s been helpful in our neighborhood. Every other week, several of us gather outside, weather permitting, for a couple of hours. We discuss and share whatever is on our minds. As we learn more about our neighbors, we feel closer to them, which helps build community.

What about you? Have you been hit by the silent epidemic? If so, we encourage you to implement some of the suggestions mentioned to lessen your loneliness. And remember, the adage, “If you want to have a friend, be a friend.”

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@TheBalanceCenter.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2023 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.