<p> What teams do you belong to and are you a good teammate? Superbowl weekend is coming up. Will you be watching? We enjoy watching the two football teams as they try to play their best. We also enjoy watching how the members of each team support each other and even how they interact when they’re on the sidelines. This got us thinking about how important it is to have a successful team whether that is in sports, the workplace or even in families. </p>

<p> Google did a study of teams in their workplace to see what comprised the most successful teams. They found the best predictors of a successful team showed these characteristics: There was a feeling of psychological safety where people could share without feeling embarrassed or punished. When people spoke, there was equality of speaking time and they took turns. Also, members had high to average social sensitivity. They could understand people better than the teams that were not socially aware.  People used active listening and clarified what they heard so that expectations were specific and understood. </p>

<p>We recognize that what Google found in their study of teams also applies to more than co-workers; it applies to other groups, friends and families. Today we’ll focus on interactions in families but we encourage you to think about all the teams you belong to and how you can be the best teammate. </p>

<p> As we look deeper at families, we see that some families are becoming more distant. That’s not only distant in miles, but also distant in how they connect with each other. Notice how many times family members who are in the same room, or the same car, are spending time on their phones (hopefully, not when driving). Sometimes even at mealtime, people are “playing” with their phones. </p>

<p> Then there’s texting, which can be a wonderfully quick way to connect, but it can also be a way that messages can be misunderstood. Sometimes messages even autocorrect and convey something totally different. We’ve all asked for understanding and forgiveness for mistakes we’ve made in texting. Then there’s also the Urban Dictionary to help us learn what all those new phrases and emojis really mean. </p>

<p>Now, what’s it like when family members actually talk to each other. Is there a feeling that everyone gets to express thoughts and opinions? Does the conversation feel safe and people don’t feel embarrassed or punished? Today there are families who will not talk to each other nor share family vacations because of differences in beliefs, especially political views. Let’s all try to find a way to agree to disagree without anger. Good communication is important for every team. </p>

<p>  Often, when people actually take time to think about it, they know that they love each other and that they would “have each other’s back” in an emergency. However, it’s unfortunate that, sometimes, family members don’t talk to each other for years and then they only end up communicating when there’s an emergency. Do you have any family members where the relationship could be better? Are there some that you are not even talking to? </p>

<p>What about you? What kind of family relationships do you want to have? </p>

<p>Some thoughts: If you want to have better relationships and feel more like a team whether at work, volunteering, with friends or family, what are you willing to do to make things better? We encourage developing the characteristics that showed up in Google’s successful teams. As a psychologist and success coaches we know that we all can only control our own behavior and we can’t control anyone else’s behavior. However, when we adopt a positive mindset and behavior towards people, often they will soften and start changing also. Reinhold Niebuhr’s serenity prayer says a lot. It goes like this: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.” </p>

<p>We encourage you to ask yourself these questions: Am I willing to forgive? You may not forget but forgiveness is a step toward a better relationship. Am I willing to be respectful even if the other person is not being respectful back? You may wonder why you should remain respectful. Well, it’s because that’s who you are, a respectful, reasonable person. Avoid name-calling, yelling or saying disrespectful things. Don’t give others the power to bring you down to their level. </p>

<p>Remember as John Maxwell said, “Teamwork makes the dream work.” Whatever teams you are on, being a good teammate will help you and your team accomplish more and enjoy the journey. </p>

<em>Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at </em><a href=”mailto:WeCare@TheBalanceCenter.com”><em>WeCare@TheBalanceCenter.com</em></a>
<p align=”left”>© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2020 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.</p>